Teaching Conflict Resolution to Your Child: Key Tips for Parents and Caregivers
By Trish-Ellen Jackson
Children argue, disagree, fall out of friendships, and then make up again—the cycle continues. As your child enters adolescence, a period of significant change and growth, they will experience more complex disagreements, arguments, and friendship issues. Developing conflict resolution skills during this time is crucial for navigating these challenges effectively.
Understanding Conflict in Adolescence
We often hear people say, “Sometimes it’s tough being a kid.” Parents and caregivers know how difficult it can be for their kids to manage conflict, which is one of the challenges they face in adolescence. Adolescence typically spans from around 10 to 19 years of age and involves significant physical, psychological, and social changes. Your primary school learner is at the beginning of this phase and will inevitably have to deal with conflict. You can help.
Teaching your child conflict resolution skills from this age sets a foundation for how they could manage conflict at different stages of their life. By developing effective conflict resolution skills, they can learn how to better manage their emotions, build healthier relationships, and lead more fulfilling lives.
Key Conflict Resolution Skills
Resolving a conflict is not always easy, but it is necessary. Here are seven key points for adolescents to remember when resolving conflicts:
1. Pause, Reflect, and Identify the Cause(s): Encourage your child to separate the causes of the conflict from the person. Identifying the underlying causes of the dispute can help them understand their own feelings and those of others.
Example: If your child is upset because a friend didn’t invite them to a party, help them reflect on why they feel hurt. Is it because they feel excluded or fear losing the friendship? Understanding the cause can shift the focus from blaming the friend to addressing their own feelings of insecurity or loneliness.
2. Encourage Empathy; Listen to the Other Person: Once the cause of the conflict has been identified, it is essential to listen to the other person’s point of view. Doing so can help bridge the gap between the two parties and create an environment of understanding and respect.
Example: If your child is arguing with a sibling over sharing toys, encourage them to listen to the sibling’s feelings. Explain that empathy means trying to understand how the other person feels. For instance, your child might realise their sibling feels left out or frustrated, which can help them approach the situation with more kindness and willingness to share.
3. Establish Ground Rules and Discuss Triggers: Establish ground rules such as ‘no name-calling,’ ‘no hitting,’ and ‘one person speaks at a time’ to ensure a safe discussion.
4. Remain Calm: It is important for adolescents to remember to stay calm during the conflict resolution process. Using coping skills like taking deep breaths and counting to 10, or slowly drinking some water, can help lower stress levels and improve the overall atmosphere.
5. Use ‘I’ Statements: Encourage the use of ‘I’ statements. This helps both parties express their feelings without making the other person feel attacked or judged.
Example: Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” teach your child to say, “I feel ignored when you don’t listen to what I’m saying.” This way, they express their own feelings and needs without blaming the other person, which can lead to a more constructive conversation.
6. Take a Break: It is okay to take a break if the discussion becomes too heated. Coming back to the conversation when both parties are calm and collected can be helpful.
7. Ask for Help: If the conflict becomes too difficult to resolve alone, asking for help from a teacher or supervising adult is perfectly okay.
Share your experiences and add any additional tips that have worked for you and your child in the comments. Together, we can help our kids develop strong conflict resolution skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.
Share your experiences and add any additional tips that have worked for you and your child in the comments. Together, we can help our kids develop strong conflict resolution skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.
About the writer
Trish-Ellen Jackson is a Human Services Counselling Specialist with over a decade of experience working with traumatized clients, at-risk youth, and youth not in education, employment, or training. She uses behaviour change, risk assessment and crisis intervention methodologies, and trauma-informed approaches to build positive coping strategies, manage stress, and develop life skills. Jackson holds a Masters in Human Services Counselling, a Bachelors in Psychology and Health Science, and is also a Certified Nurturing Parenting Facilitator.
3 Comments
-
Sharett A. Brown says:
Important guidelines.
-
Kai Crooks-Chissano says:
Great read and easy steps to teach our kids how to handle conflicts. I’d also love to hear from parents, caregivers and teachers how they resolve conflict with their kids. Please do share.
This is a great read